Humour thread. |
Helping the motorist get justice 
Helping the motorist get justice
Humour thread. |
 Thu, 9 Sep 2004 - 10:56
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#1
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Member  Group:  Life MemberPosts: 2,872 Joined: 17 May 2004 Member No.: 1,213  |
After reading so many court cases and judgements, I feel there is a need for a humour thread, Strictly family safe ! And if we stick to this thread , it won't clog up the more important stuff !
rgds bill Subject: How to get out of a speeding ticket!!!! A speeding driver is pulled over by the police ... PC : "May I see your driver's license, Sir ?" Driver : "I haven't got one. I've been banned for drink driving." PC : "Do you have the vehicle registration documents on you ?" Driver : "It's not my car. I stole it." PC : "You've stolen the car ?" Driver : "Yes. But I think the documents are in the glove box. I think I saw them there when I was putting my gun away." PC : "There's a gun in the glove box ?" Driver : "Yes. That's where I put it after I shot the woman who owns the car." Cop : "You shot the owner ?" Driver : "Yes. I've got her body stuffed in the boot." PC : "You've got a body in the boot ?" Driver : "Yes. Sorry." The PC is a bit worried about the situation, calls his station, and an Armed Response Unit along with a Sergeant is immediately dispatched. Surrounded by armed police, the Sergeant nervously approaches the car and talks to the driver ... Sergeant : "Can I see your license, Sir ?" Driver : "Sure. Here it is." The driver hands over his licence which is clean of points. Sergeant : "Who does this car belong to Sir ?" Driver : "It's mine, officer. Here's the registration document." The driver hands over his registration documents which show he is the owner of the car. Sergeant : "Could you slowly open your glove box. I believe you have a gun in there ?" Driver : "A gun ? No, there's no gun in there." The driver opens the glove box, which is completely empty. Sergeant : "Would you mind getting out of the car, and opening the boot please ?" Driver : "No problem." The driver gets out, opens the boot which, like the glove box is completely empty. Sergeant : "I'm sorry Sir; I don't understand. The officer who stopped you said you didn't have a licence, had stolen the car, were carrying a gun, and had shot a woman, whose body you'd dumped in the boot ?" Driver : "I suppose the lying bar steward told you I was speeding as well ?" |
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Thu, 9 Sep 2004 - 10:56
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 Advertise here! |
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Mon, 7 Nov 2005 - 14:15
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#61
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 Member Group: Members Posts: 374 Joined: 22 Mar 2005 Member No.: 2,612 |
I love this website
http://www.policefaqs.org/Content/@1.htm Have a look at their Top 10 Police enquiries on the left side of the page. Right there at number 3 QUOTE I have got a bat in my house, what should I do?
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Thu, 10 Nov 2005 - 15:04
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#62
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 Member Group: Members Posts: 966 Joined: 20 Apr 2004 From: ..and not from Guildford afterall! Member No.: 1,120 |
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Sat, 12 Nov 2005 - 07:58
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#63
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 Member Group: Members Posts: 6,181 Joined: 10 Aug 2003 Member No.: 200 |
OU812 :D
-------------------- Blackbird
Help Ruffle some Feathers |
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Mon, 14 Nov 2005 - 19:43
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#64
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Member Group: Members Posts: 870 Joined: 24 Sep 2005 From: wirral Member No.: 3,855 |
Hahhahahahahhah :wink: :wink:
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Fri, 18 Nov 2005 - 13:23
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#65
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Member Group: Life MemberPosts: 2,872 Joined: 17 May 2004 Member No.: 1,213 |
-------------------- |
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Fri, 9 Dec 2005 - 19:06
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#66
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 Member Group: Members Posts: 390 Joined: 3 Nov 2004 From: Peoples Independant Republic of Yorkshire Member No.: 1,839 |
Christmas is a comin.... time to get those stocking fillers.....
hows about some of the models from Speak Freaks.... PC Stinger 
Commisioner Wedge 
Or this ironic bunch....  
 
All can be bought for less than £20 here -------------------- May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who screws up your day and may their arms be too short to scratch...
AMEN |
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Fri, 9 Dec 2005 - 19:24
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#67
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Member Group: Members Posts: 870 Joined: 24 Sep 2005 From: wirral Member No.: 3,855 |
The bottom one remind you of someone??????
Shelby  :shock: :shock:
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Fri, 9 Dec 2005 - 21:14
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#68
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Member Group: Members Posts: 386 Joined: 19 Oct 2005 From: GB Member No.: 4,022 |
YES, YES
hahahahaha Mars |
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Sat, 10 Dec 2005 - 01:13
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#69
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Member Group: Members Posts: 390 Joined: 3 Nov 2004 From: Peoples Independant Republic of Yorkshire Member No.: 1,839 |
LOL! Well I was thinkin maybe PC Stinger, but there again she's almost perversely attractive, with her big trap!!! (PC Stinger... Not Shelley that is!)
One other thought.... Commisioner Wedge...... Herr Brainstorm  :!: :wink:
-------------------- May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who screws up your day and may their arms be too short to scratch...
AMEN |
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Sun, 11 Dec 2005 - 13:55
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#70
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Member Group: Members Posts: 374 Joined: 22 Mar 2005 Member No.: 2,612 |
I'l put a pound in to send one to him for Christmas
-------------------- Message is confidential and/or subject of legal privilege intended only for use by the intended recipients. Be advised that any dissemination, copying or use of this message is strictly forbidden, as is the disclosure of the information therein.
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Sun, 11 Dec 2005 - 14:44
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#71
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 Member Group: Members Posts: 502 Joined: 8 Apr 2004 From: Scotland Member No.: 1,078 |
I remember a flash animation that was going around last year, I think. Centred around getting a NIP which ruined Christmas. Anyone remember it and have a link?
-------------------- LESS KODAK, MORE KOJAK!
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Tue, 13 Dec 2005 - 00:54
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#72
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Member Group: Members Posts: 390 Joined: 3 Nov 2004 From: Peoples Independant Republic of Yorkshire Member No.: 1,839 |
Even the Christmas cards are on to it this year!!! ....I'll post some tommorrow!
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Tue, 13 Dec 2005 - 12:13
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#73
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Member Group: Members Posts: 390 Joined: 3 Nov 2004 From: Peoples Independant Republic of Yorkshire Member No.: 1,839 |
Saw this in Birthdays card shop....
(pic by Sony Ericsson!) ......and a pack of 30 of these in a cheapo shop!!!...... 
[b]Merry 
-------------------- May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who screws up your day and may their arms be too short to scratch...
AMEN |
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Fri, 16 Dec 2005 - 13:31
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#74
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Member Group: Members Posts: 3,562 Joined: 14 Jul 2005 From: No longer on a train Member No.: 3,385 |
Nice one here of a US policewoman with her solution to speeding!
-------------------- The accident was caused by cockpit thrombosis - a dangerous clot between seatback and steering wheel ...
1. Read this first 2. Nip Wizard Parking tickets - council - 0, Rallyman - 1 |
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Fri, 16 Dec 2005 - 13:45
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#75
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Member Group: Members Posts: 374 Joined: 22 Mar 2005 Member No.: 2,612 |
Please re-cycle all your wrapping paper this Christmas
-------------------- Message is confidential and/or subject of legal privilege intended only for use by the intended recipients. Be advised that any dissemination, copying or use of this message is strictly forbidden, as is the disclosure of the information therein.
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Fri, 16 Dec 2005 - 13:49
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#76
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Member Group: Members Posts: 374 Joined: 22 Mar 2005 Member No.: 2,612 |
-------------------- Message is confidential and/or subject of legal privilege intended only for use by the intended recipients. Be advised that any dissemination, copying or use of this message is strictly forbidden, as is the disclosure of the information therein.
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Fri, 16 Dec 2005 - 14:22
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#77
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Member Group: Members Posts: 212 Joined: 8 Feb 2005 From: lost in space Member No.: 2,330 |
-------------------- Jason
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Tue, 20 Dec 2005 - 16:38
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#78
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Member Group: Members Posts: 374 Joined: 22 Mar 2005 Member No.: 2,612 |
-------------------- Message is confidential and/or subject of legal privilege intended only for use by the intended recipients. Be advised that any dissemination, copying or use of this message is strictly forbidden, as is the disclosure of the information therein.
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Wed, 21 Dec 2005 - 23:17
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#79
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Member Group: Members Posts: 374 Joined: 22 Mar 2005 Member No.: 2,612 |
I even made a Christmas card
-------------------- Message is confidential and/or subject of legal privilege intended only for use by the intended recipients. Be advised that any dissemination, copying or use of this message is strictly forbidden, as is the disclosure of the information therein.
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Fri, 23 Dec 2005 - 01:05
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#80
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Member Group: Members Posts: 390 Joined: 3 Nov 2004 From: Peoples Independant Republic of Yorkshire Member No.: 1,839 |
Yellow lines incorrectly signposted + fine unpayable under BoR!
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