PePiPoo Helping the motorist get justice

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Humour thread.
Clear Skies
post Thu, 9 Sep 2004 - 10:56
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After reading so many court cases and judgements, I feel there is a need for a humour thread, Strictly family safe ! And if we stick to this thread , it won't clog up the more important stuff !

rgds
bill

Subject: How to get out of a speeding ticket!!!!


A speeding driver is pulled over by the police ...

PC : "May I see your driver's license, Sir ?"

Driver : "I haven't got one. I've been banned for drink driving."

PC : "Do you have the vehicle registration documents on you ?"

Driver : "It's not my car. I stole it."

PC : "You've stolen the car ?"

Driver : "Yes. But I think the documents are in the glove box. I think I
saw them there when I was putting my gun away."

PC : "There's a gun in the glove box ?"

Driver : "Yes. That's where I put it after I shot the woman who owns
the car."

Cop : "You shot the owner ?"

Driver : "Yes. I've got her body stuffed in the boot."

PC : "You've got a body in the boot ?"

Driver : "Yes. Sorry."

The PC is a bit worried about the situation, calls his station, and an
Armed Response Unit along with a Sergeant is immediately dispatched.

Surrounded by armed police, the Sergeant nervously approaches the car
and talks to the driver ...

Sergeant : "Can I see your license, Sir ?"

Driver : "Sure. Here it is."

The driver hands over his licence which is clean of points.

Sergeant : "Who does this car belong to Sir ?"

Driver : "It's mine, officer. Here's the registration document."

The driver hands over his registration documents which show he is the
owner of the car.

Sergeant : "Could you slowly open your glove box. I believe you have a
gun in there ?"

Driver : "A gun ? No, there's no gun in there."

The driver opens the glove box, which is completely empty.

Sergeant : "Would you mind getting out of the car, and opening
the boot please ?"

Driver : "No problem."

The driver gets out, opens the boot which, like the glove box is
completely empty.

Sergeant : "I'm sorry Sir; I don't understand. The officer who stopped
you said you didn't have a licence, had stolen the car, were carrying a
gun, and had shot a woman, whose body you'd dumped in the boot ?"

Driver : "I suppose the lying bar steward told you I was speeding as well ?"
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post Thu, 9 Sep 2004 - 10:56
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Insider
post Sat, 9 Jul 2005 - 21:46
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A new graphic for the trolls  :lol:



Well, I thought it was quite amusing  :wink:


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andy_foster
post Sat, 9 Jul 2005 - 22:05
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How about this one?



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Andy

Millenial (noun): a person who is offended at being told "Suck it up, buttercup"
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Bluedart
post Wed, 10 Aug 2005 - 19:34
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Lady driver stopped by the police for excess speed.

Police officer, "Good evening madam, have you any reason for exceeding the speed limit,"
Lady Driver, "well I am late and I am on my way to the police ball"
Police officer, "the police don't have balls", and quickly left the scene. icon_wink.gif


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Peter
What I'd like to see police/local authorities do is deal with important issues and not these sorts of victimless crimes when society is riddled with problems.

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

'The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing.' - Albert Einstein
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anton
post Wed, 10 Aug 2005 - 21:57
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"I know I was doing 110, but please let me off officer, I'm an anti terrorist"


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Clear Skies
post Thu, 11 Aug 2005 - 11:56
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[quote=NoWayK]

[quote=R v H & C (2004)]13. The duty of prosecuting counsel, recently considered by the Judicial Committee of the Privy Council in Randall v The Queen [2002] UKPC 19, [2002] 1 WLR 2237, para 10, is not to obtain a conviction at all costs but to act as a minister of justice. As Rand J put it in the Supreme Court of Canada in Boucher v The Queen [1955] SCR 16, 24-25:
"Counsel have a duty to see that all available legal proof of the facts is presented: it should be done firmly and pressed to its legitimate strength but it must also be done fairly10. There is, however, throughout any trial and not least a long fraud trial, one overriding requirement: to ensure that the defendant accused of crime is fairly tried. The adversarial format of the criminal trial is indeed directed to ensuring a fair opportunity for the prosecution to establish guilt and a fair opportunity for the defendant to advance his defence. To safeguard the fairness of the trial a number of rules have been developed to ensure that the proceedings, however closely contested and however highly charged, are conducted in a manner which is orderly and fair . These rules are well-understood and are not in any way controversial. But it is pertinent to state some of them:

(1) The duty of prosecuting counsel is not to obtain a conviction at all costs but to act as a minister of justice: R v Puddick (1865) 4 F & F 497 at 499; R v Banks [1916] 2 KB 621, 623. The prosecutor's role was very clearly described by Rand J in the Supreme Court of Canada in Boucher v The Queen (1954) 110 Can CC 263, 270:
"It cannot be over-emphasized that the purpose of a criminal prosecution is not to obtain a conviction; it is to lay before a jury what the Crown considers to be credible evidence relevant to what is alleged to be a crime. Counsel have a duty to see that all available legal proof of the facts is presented: it should be done firmly and pressed to its legitimate strength, but it must also be done fairly. The role of prosecutor excludes any notion of winning or losing; his function is a matter of public duty than which in civil life there can be none charged with greater personal responsibility. It is to be efficiently performed with an ingrained sense of the dignity, the seriousness and the justness of judicial proceedings.


I think this is worth printing out and giving to the prosecution as part of ANYONE'S defence... or just putting on the table as you walk in !

or isnt that allowed  :roll:

rgds
Bill


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anton
post Fri, 12 Aug 2005 - 06:20
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you MUST see this posting on safespeed houmour thread

http://www.safespeed.org.uk/forum/viewtopi...ighlight=#38558


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Insider
post Mon, 15 Aug 2005 - 12:08
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dino2004
post Thu, 18 Aug 2005 - 13:57
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I got pulled over the other day for a slightly flat tyre, luckily i had a foot pump in the boot.





I whacked the cop over the head and carried on biggrin.gif
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flyin flea
post Thu, 18 Aug 2005 - 17:41
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FPMSLMFAO!!!! laugh.gif  8)
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anton
post Wed, 24 Aug 2005 - 15:30
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A camera partnership recently hired several cannibals as part of their communities and diversity policy.

"You are all part of our team now", said the HR rep during the welcoming
briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the
cafeteria for something to eat, but please don't eat any of the other
employees".

The cannibals promised they would not.

Four weeks later their boss remarked, "You're all working very hard, and
I'm satisfied with you. However, one of our tea ladies has disappeared.
Do any of you know what happened to her?"

The cannibals all shook their heads no.

After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others,
"Which one of you idiots ate the tea lady?"

A hand raised hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals
continued, "You fool!!! For four weeks we've been eating central ticket office staff, civilian operators and press officers and no
one noticed anything, but noooooo, you had to go and eat someone important


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firefly
post Fri, 16 Sep 2005 - 07:09
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rooster_uk
post Sun, 18 Sep 2005 - 22:04
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I got pulled over the other night.
The cop came over and asked "Have you been drinking sir?".
I replied "no"
He said " Are you sure, as I can smell alcohol?"
"It isn't me" I said
"Are you sure sir, as there is a very strong smeel of alcohol, coming from this car"
I was a bit miffed at this point and raised my voice, shouting " No! No! No!, I have not had a bloody drink"

The wife then leaned over and said, " Officer....You won't win an argument with him when he's Pi55ed"

rolleyes.gif  :roll:  :roll:
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flyin flea
post Sun, 2 Oct 2005 - 21:20
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South Yorkshire Police Traffic dept. have a sense of humour......Clickety click

(for those not in the know..... this is where South Yorkshire Traffic HQ is.... along with that chuffin nellychopter that was over my house again!!!!


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May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who screws up your day and may their arms be too short to scratch...
AMEN
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Insider
post Wed, 5 Oct 2005 - 09:55
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QUOTE (Cooperman@Safespeed)
Today's Joke:

Children in class were asked what their fathers did for a living.
After the usual list of jobs like fitter, train driver, shop manager and so on, the teacher got to little Johnny, who answered, "My father's an exotic stripper in a gay bar. Sometimes he meets other men who pay him to go to hotel rooms with him".
The teacher quickly stops the discussion, but after class she asks Johnny to stay behind. She says that she is worried about him and does his father really do that.
"Oh, no, Miss, says Johnny, actually he works for the Cumbria Speed Camera Partnership,, but I don't like to admit that to my friends".


Greetings Snowy rat/fastlane/etc/etc/etc  :lol:


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Insider
post Fri, 21 Oct 2005 - 12:23
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Courtesy of Safespeed..

laugh.gif


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Dixie Dean
post Fri, 21 Oct 2005 - 15:38
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Useless laws weaken necessary laws.
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Dixie Dean
post Fri, 21 Oct 2005 - 16:36
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I don't know how the car got there, but its funny them getting it out.

1. http://img461.imageshack.us/img461/1998/pic10ry.jpg

2. http://img461.imageshack.us/img461/8747/pic24tr.jpg

3. http://img461.imageshack.us/img461/8214/pic30og.jpg

4. http://img461.imageshack.us/img461/8189/pic54tc.jpg

5. http://img461.imageshack.us/img461/9738/pic60tz.jpg

6. http://img461.imageshack.us/img461/1650/pic74rj.jpg

7. http://img461.imageshack.us/img461/3138/pic83gd.jpg

8. http://img428.imageshack.us/img428/5820/pic45md.jpg

9. http://img412.imageshack.us/img412/1755/pic98wh.jpg

Dixie


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Orac
post Wed, 26 Oct 2005 - 10:48
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Been a bit tense on the forums lately, if this doesn't make you laugh,nothing will !!

Needs sound.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-6...710473912337648
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firefly
post Wed, 26 Oct 2005 - 12:59
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I'm doomed.  I will never laugh again.  :D


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chadders
post Fri, 28 Oct 2005 - 14:44
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Maybe these will help you!

"Cheap as Chips"


Sure to please SNIPER...



Budget cutbacks...


My favourite, the caption "Did you know their helmets....are made to measure?"




Courtest of www.b3ta.com and their challenge: Photoshop the Police
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