Spanner for culture spokesman., Should I be considered? |
Spanner for culture spokesman., Should I be considered? |
Tue, 13 Feb 2018 - 10:33
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#1
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Member Group: Members Posts: 2,749 Joined: 11 Oct 2007 From: hull Member No.: 14,394 |
I am a Hull resident, last year's culture capital. I have been infected with culture for all of 2017. Bearing in mind I am attending a poetry recital next month, should I be considered for the above post?
-------------------- ARSE DRINK FECK........
DRINK MORE TOILET DUCK 50 mls vodka 50 mls Red Bull 330 mls Blue Wkd 25 mls tequila |
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Tue, 13 Feb 2018 - 10:33
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Advertise here! |
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Tue, 13 Feb 2018 - 10:51
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#2
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Member Group: Members Posts: 25,726 Joined: 28 Jun 2010 From: Area 51 Member No.: 38,559 |
Unfortunately the culture that is likely to be contracted during such events is resistant to all known antibiotics.
Without suitable treatment it is likely to stay with you for the rest of your life. Suitable treatment includes drinking more toilet duck. |
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Tue, 13 Feb 2018 - 12:24
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#3
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Member Group: Members Posts: 4,126 Joined: 31 Jan 2018 Member No.: 96,238 |
Why not ?
Sir Les Patterson was Australia's Cultural Attache for years |
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Tue, 13 Feb 2018 - 13:06
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#4
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Member Group: Members Posts: 9,985 Joined: 20 Aug 2008 Member No.: 21,992 |
The poetry recital would only be considered truly cultural if it includes the Shakespearean classic 'There was a Young Man from Nantucket.'
-------------------- Sometimes I use big words I don't understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.
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Tue, 13 Feb 2018 - 13:26
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#5
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Member Group: Members Posts: 2,749 Joined: 11 Oct 2007 From: hull Member No.: 14,394 |
The poetry recital would only be considered truly cultural if it includes the Shakespearean classic 'There was a Young Man from Nantucket.' Don't think he does that one. -------------------- ARSE DRINK FECK........
DRINK MORE TOILET DUCK 50 mls vodka 50 mls Red Bull 330 mls Blue Wkd 25 mls tequila |
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Tue, 13 Feb 2018 - 15:52
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#6
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Member Group: Members Posts: 9,985 Joined: 20 Aug 2008 Member No.: 21,992 |
Its all 'new material' with some performers, they don't understand that the fans want to hear the hits.
-------------------- Sometimes I use big words I don't understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.
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Tue, 13 Feb 2018 - 16:14
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#7
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Member Group: Members Posts: 25,726 Joined: 28 Jun 2010 From: Area 51 Member No.: 38,559 |
It wasn't Vogon Poetry was it ?
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Tue, 13 Feb 2018 - 17:15
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#8
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Member Group: Members Posts: 29,263 Joined: 16 Jan 2008 Member No.: 16,671 |
There was a young* man called Spanner,
Met a beautiful girl from Havana, A man of culture and poise but his farts made a noise and she hastily said hasta manana. -------------------- |
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Wed, 14 Feb 2018 - 11:12
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#9
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Member Group: Members Posts: 2,749 Joined: 11 Oct 2007 From: hull Member No.: 14,394 |
THIS IS ONE..........
This disc concerns those those pouting prima-donnas Found within the swelling J. Arthur Ranks of the sexational psycle sluts Those nubile nihilists of the North Circular The lean leonine leatherette lovelies of the Leeds intersection Luftwaffe angels locked in a pagan paradise No cash A passion for trash The tough madonna whose cro-magnon face and crab nebular curves haunt the highways of the UK Whose harsh credo captures the collective libido like lariats Their lips pushed in a neon-arc of dodgems Delightfully disciplined, dumb but deluxe Deliciously deliciously deranged Twin-wheeled existentialists steeped in the sterile excrements of a doomed democracy Whose post-nietzschean sensibilities reject the bovine gregariousness of a senile oligarchy Whose god is below zero, whose hero is a dead boy Condemned to drift like forgotten sputniks in the fool’s orbit bound for a victim’s future In the pleasure dromes and ersatz bodega bars of the free world The mechanics of love grind like organs of iron to a standstill Hands behind your backs In a noxious gas of cheek to cheek totalitarianism Hail the psycle sluts Go go the gland gringos For the gonad a-go-go age of compulsory cunnilingusa PART TWO The dirty thirty The naughty forty The shifty fifty Tthe filthy five Zips, clips, whips and chains Wait for you to arrive Hell’s Angels by the busload Stoned stupid, how they strut Smoked woodbines till they’re banjoed And smirk at the Swedish smut Life on the straight and narrow path Drives you off your nut By day you are psycopath By night you’re a psycle slut On a BSA with two bald tires You drove a million miles You cut your hair with rusty pliers And you suffer with the pillion piles You got built in obsolescence Oh you got guts But you don’t reach adolescence Slow down psycle sluts Motor cycle Michael Wants to buy a tank Only twenty-nine years old And he’s learning how to **** Yesterday he was in the groove Today he’s in a rut My how the moments move Brut fun psycle sluts He cacks on your originals He peepees on his boots He makes love like a footballer He dribbles before he shoots The goings on at the gang-bang ball Made the citizen’s tut-tut-tut But, what do you care, piss all You tell ’em psycle sluts Now your boyfriend burned his jacket Ticket expired Tyres are knackered Knackers are tired You can tell your tale to the gutter press Get paid to peddle smut Now you’ve ridden the road of excess That leads to the psycle sluts Or you can dine and whine on stuff that’s bound to give you boils Hot dogs direct from cruft’s Done in diesel oil Or the burger joint around the bend Where the meals thank christ are skimpy For you that’s how the world could end Not with a bang but a Wimpy. This post has been edited by spanner345: Wed, 14 Feb 2018 - 11:14 -------------------- ARSE DRINK FECK........
DRINK MORE TOILET DUCK 50 mls vodka 50 mls Red Bull 330 mls Blue Wkd 25 mls tequila |
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Wed, 14 Feb 2018 - 11:50
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#10
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Member Group: Members Posts: 25,726 Joined: 28 Jun 2010 From: Area 51 Member No.: 38,559 |
I was right.... Vogon poetry.
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Wed, 14 Feb 2018 - 12:59
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#11
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Member Group: Members Posts: 29,263 Joined: 16 Jan 2008 Member No.: 16,671 |
Mine kinda pales against that.
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Fri, 23 Feb 2018 - 08:48
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#12
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Member Group: Members Posts: 2,749 Joined: 11 Oct 2007 From: hull Member No.: 14,394 |
More culture for them wot nead it.
FAR FROM CRAZY PAVEMENTS ...THE TASTE OF SILVER SPOONS A CLINICAL ARRANGEMENT ...ON A DIRTY AFTERNOON WHERE THE FECAL GERMS OF MR. FREUD ...ARE RENDERED OBSOLETE THE LEGAL TERM IS NULL AND VOID IN THE CASE OF... BEASLEY STREET IN THE CHEAP SEATS WHERE MURDER BREEDS SOMEBODY IS OUT OF BREATH SLEEP IS A LUXURY THEY DON'T NEED ...A SNEAK PREVIEW OF DEATH BELLADONNA IS YOUR FLOWER MANSLAUGHTER YOUR MEAT SPEND A YEAR IN A COUPLE OF HOURS ON THE EDGE OF BEASLEY STREET WHERE THE ACTION ISN'T THAT'S WHERE IT IS STATE YOUR POSITION VACANCIES EXIST IN AN X-CERTIFICATE EXERCISE EX-SERVICEMEN EXCRETE KEITH JOSEPH SMILES AND A BABY DIES IN A BOX ON BEASLEY STREET FROM THE BOARDING HOUSES AND THE BEDSITS FULL OF ...ACCIDENTS AND FLEAS SOMEBODY GETS IT WHERE THE MISSING PERSONS FREEZE WEARING DEAD MEN'S OVERCOATS YOU CAN'T SEE THEIR FEET A RIFF JOINT SHUTS - OPENS UP RIGHT DOWN ON BEASLEY STREET CARS COLLIDE, COLOURS CLASH DISASTER MOVIE STUFF FOR A MAN WITH THE FU MANCHU MOUSTACHE REVENGE IS NOT ENOUGH THERE'S A DEAD CANARY ON A SWIVEL SEAT THERE'S A RAINBOW IN THE ROAD MEANWHILE ON BEASLEY STREET SILENCE IS THE CODE HOT BENEATH THE COLLAR ...AN INSPECTOR CALLS WHERE THE PERISHING STINK OF SQUALOR ...IMPREGNATES THE WALLS THE RATS HAVE ALL GOT RICKETS THEY SPIT THROUGH BROKEN TEETH THE NAME OF THE GAME IS NOT CRICKET CAUGHT OUT ON ...BEASLEY STREET THE HIPSTER AND HIS HIRED HAT DRIVE A BORROWED CAR YELLOW SOCKS AND A PINK CREVAT NOTHING LA-DI-DAH O-A-P MOTHER-TO-BE WATCH THE THREE-PIECE SUITE WHEN SHITSTOPPER DRAINS AND CROCODILE SKIS ARE SEEN ON ...BEASLEY STREET THE KINGDOM OF THE BLIND ...A ONE-EYED MAN IS KING BEAUTY PROBLEMS ARE REDEFINED ...THE DOORBELLS DO NOT RING A LIGHT BULB BURST LIKE A BLISTER THE ONLY FORM OF HEAT WHERE A FELLOW SELLS HIS SISTER ...DOWN THE RIVER ON BEASLEY STREET THE BOYS ARE ON THE WAGON THE GIRLS ARE ON THE SHELF THEIR COMMON PROBLEM IS ...THAT THEY'RE NOT SOMEONE ELSE THE DIRT BLOWS OUT THE DUST BLOWS IN YOU CAN'T KEEP IT NEAT IT'S A FULLY FURNISHED DUSTBIN ...SIXTEEN BEASLEY STREET VINCE THE AGEING SAVAGE BETRAYS NO KIND OF LIFE ...BUT THE SMELL OF YESTERDAY'S CABBAGE AND THE GHOST OF LAST YEAR'S WIFE THROUGH A CONSTANT HAZE OF DEODORANT SPRAYS HE SAYS ...RETREAT ALSATIANS DOG THE DIRTY DAYS DOWN THE MIDDLE OF BEASLEY STREET PEOPLE TURN TO POISON QUICK AS LAGER TURNS TO PISS SWEETHEARTS ARE PHYSICALLY SICK EVERY TIME THEY KISS IT'S A SOCIOLOGIST'S PARADISE EACH DAY REPEATS UNEASY, CHEASY, GREASY, QUEASY ...BEASTLY, BEASLEY STREET EYES DEAD AS VICIOUS FISH LOOK AROUND FOR LAUGHS IF I COULD HAVE JUST ONE WISH I WOULD BE A PHOTOGRAPH ON A PERMANENT MONDAY MORNING GET LOST OR FALL ASLEEP WHEN THE YELLOW CATS ARE YAWNING AROUND THE BACK OF BEASLEY STREET -------------------- ARSE DRINK FECK........
DRINK MORE TOILET DUCK 50 mls vodka 50 mls Red Bull 330 mls Blue Wkd 25 mls tequila |
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Fri, 23 Feb 2018 - 09:38
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#13
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Member Group: Members Posts: 107 Joined: 23 Feb 2018 Member No.: 96,721 |
There was a young* man called Spanner, Met a beautiful girl from Havana, A man of culture and poise but his farts made a noise and she hastily said hasta manana. You haven't quite caught the art of the limerick in that composition. Try this alternative: There was a young* man known as Spanner, Met a beautiful girl from Havana, With culture and poise His farts made a noise She hastily said hasta manana. |
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Sat, 24 Feb 2018 - 13:43
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#14
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Member Group: Members Posts: 3,306 Joined: 4 Mar 2017 Member No.: 90,659 |
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Wed, 7 Mar 2018 - 12:33
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#15
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Member Group: Members Posts: 2,749 Joined: 11 Oct 2007 From: hull Member No.: 14,394 |
H IGHLY RECOMMENDED, A BLOODY GOOD EVENING. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oTObCKSkaBs
-------------------- ARSE DRINK FECK........
DRINK MORE TOILET DUCK 50 mls vodka 50 mls Red Bull 330 mls Blue Wkd 25 mls tequila |
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Wed, 7 Mar 2018 - 17:57
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#16
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Member Group: Members Posts: 587 Joined: 18 Sep 2008 From: Folkestone, Kent Member No.: 22,623 |
Good luck to you Spanner345, I'm afraid that modern poetry goes way over my head.
I got as far as "Palgraves Golden Treasury of English Verse" and that was it. At school I was taught all about Iambic, Trochaic, Anapaestic and Dactylic quadrameters, pentameters all the way to decameters but modern blank verse leaves me cold. Mind you, that probably inhibited me from trying any other form of poetry. As I say, all the best in your poetic endeavours. This post has been edited by Lodesman: Wed, 7 Mar 2018 - 18:33 |
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Thu, 8 Mar 2018 - 08:40
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#17
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Member Group: Members Posts: 2,749 Joined: 11 Oct 2007 From: hull Member No.: 14,394 |
Some of the poetry must have been that there posh stuff, it didn't rhyme.
-------------------- ARSE DRINK FECK........
DRINK MORE TOILET DUCK 50 mls vodka 50 mls Red Bull 330 mls Blue Wkd 25 mls tequila |
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Lo-Fi Version | Time is now: Thursday, 28th March 2024 - 10:16 |