PePiPoo Helping the motorist get justice Support health workers

Welcome Guest ( Log In | Register )

Humour thread.
Clear Skies
post Thu, 9 Sep 2004 - 10:56
Post #1


Member
Group Icon

Group: Life Member
Posts: 2,872
Joined: 17 May 2004
Member No.: 1,213



After reading so many court cases and judgements, I feel there is a need for a humour thread, Strictly family safe ! And if we stick to this thread , it won't clog up the more important stuff !

rgds
bill

Subject: How to get out of a speeding ticket!!!!


A speeding driver is pulled over by the police ...

PC : "May I see your driver's license, Sir ?"

Driver : "I haven't got one. I've been banned for drink driving."

PC : "Do you have the vehicle registration documents on you ?"

Driver : "It's not my car. I stole it."

PC : "You've stolen the car ?"

Driver : "Yes. But I think the documents are in the glove box. I think I
saw them there when I was putting my gun away."

PC : "There's a gun in the glove box ?"

Driver : "Yes. That's where I put it after I shot the woman who owns
the car."

Cop : "You shot the owner ?"

Driver : "Yes. I've got her body stuffed in the boot."

PC : "You've got a body in the boot ?"

Driver : "Yes. Sorry."

The PC is a bit worried about the situation, calls his station, and an
Armed Response Unit along with a Sergeant is immediately dispatched.

Surrounded by armed police, the Sergeant nervously approaches the car
and talks to the driver ...

Sergeant : "Can I see your license, Sir ?"

Driver : "Sure. Here it is."

The driver hands over his licence which is clean of points.

Sergeant : "Who does this car belong to Sir ?"

Driver : "It's mine, officer. Here's the registration document."

The driver hands over his registration documents which show he is the
owner of the car.

Sergeant : "Could you slowly open your glove box. I believe you have a
gun in there ?"

Driver : "A gun ? No, there's no gun in there."

The driver opens the glove box, which is completely empty.

Sergeant : "Would you mind getting out of the car, and opening
the boot please ?"

Driver : "No problem."

The driver gets out, opens the boot which, like the glove box is
completely empty.

Sergeant : "I'm sorry Sir; I don't understand. The officer who stopped
you said you didn't have a licence, had stolen the car, were carrying a
gun, and had shot a woman, whose body you'd dumped in the boot ?"

Driver : "I suppose the lying bar steward told you I was speeding as well ?"
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post

Posts in this topic
- Clear Skies   Humour thread.   Thu, 9 Sep 2004 - 10:56
- - Mika   Bill, One of yesterday’s posts had given me a s...   Thu, 9 Sep 2004 - 11:26
- - anton   maybe you should distribute the first joke as an e...   Thu, 9 Sep 2004 - 18:04
- - 318ti   The only problem is that this is such an old joke ...   Thu, 9 Sep 2004 - 20:11
- - Talion   QUOTE (anton)maybe you should distribute the first...   Thu, 9 Sep 2004 - 21:09
- - jester   heres my contribution 4 what its worth... apologie...   Fri, 10 Sep 2004 - 12:06
- - Talion   A motorcycle cop on patrol watched as a man in a r...   Fri, 10 Sep 2004 - 12:23
- - Talion   Cops get caution wrong, When Johnny was arrested,...   Fri, 10 Sep 2004 - 12:32
- - jester   These are all Tommy Cooper's work - enjoy!! Polic...   Fri, 10 Sep 2004 - 12:48
- - Adrian   my contribution, the least i could do after all th...   Sat, 2 Oct 2004 - 00:23
- - Clear Skies   http://adverts.freeloader.com/zurich/ how wel...   Tue, 19 Oct 2004 - 17:56
- - Mavrik   Policeman pulls a guy for doing over 50mph in a 30...   Mon, 28 Feb 2005 - 13:42
- - cuddlyewok   Sitting on the side of the motorway waiting to cat...   Thu, 17 Mar 2005 - 07:21
- - Clear Skies   Tickets I went shopping the other day, and I w...   Thu, 17 Mar 2005 - 11:29
- - OU812   http://www.e-database.co.uk (has been working but...   Tue, 22 Mar 2005 - 11:05
- - Insider   A truck driver was pulled over by a Traffic Cop. T...   Tue, 22 Mar 2005 - 11:42
- - Maersk2   Farmers boy phones farmer from the far side of the...   Wed, 18 May 2005 - 17:38
- - JT   TrafPol stops young tearaway, after a prolonged an...   Wed, 18 May 2005 - 18:26
- - Clear Skies   Bumper Stickers I'd like to see:   Thu, 2 Jun 2005 - 13:45
- - Insider   Fancy getting one of these and attempting to send ...   Thu, 2 Jun 2005 - 18:55
- - Philwalker_wba   QUOTE Clear skies said, QUOTE It IS as bad as yo...   Thu, 2 Jun 2005 - 20:34
- - Quattro   I was lying in a ditch once with a motorcycle on t...   Sat, 4 Jun 2005 - 15:35
- - Insider   RoosterUK tried to post this in 'general interest'...   Mon, 6 Jun 2005 - 22:20
- - chadders   After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loade...   Wed, 22 Jun 2005 - 09:22
- - Ziltro   Take a look at The Process: http://www.dorsetsafet...   Mon, 27 Jun 2005 - 18:16
- - JT   Simply Brilliant!   Mon, 27 Jun 2005 - 18:43
- - Philwalker_wba   On one of the scameraships web sites there was a s...   Mon, 27 Jun 2005 - 22:35
- - Ziltro   I was driving on the A351 towards Corfe Castle (ju...   Tue, 28 Jun 2005 - 00:38
- - anton   New road signs to be placed on the entrance to th...   Tue, 28 Jun 2005 - 17:03
- - Clear Skies   clear writing guidelines.. follow my lead !   Thu, 30 Jun 2005 - 09:57
- - chadders   Posted on behalf of Clear Skies "I bet she wasn't...   Tue, 5 Jul 2005 - 09:32
- - firefly   I can see it.  :bootyshake:  :thumbright...   Tue, 5 Jul 2005 - 12:28
- - Clear Skies   QUOTE (firefly)I can see it.     whats daft, is...   Tue, 5 Jul 2005 - 16:26
- - chadders   QUOTE (Clear Skies)firefly's animated  bum O...   Tue, 5 Jul 2005 - 16:45
- - Quattro   EDIT: can people just confirm they can see this pi...   Wed, 6 Jul 2005 - 22:12
- - firefly   Peculiarly, I can no longer see it.  :?   Wed, 6 Jul 2005 - 22:15
- - chadders   I'm off for a long walk off a short pier ... it's ...   Wed, 6 Jul 2005 - 22:52
- - Insider   QUOTE What's going on with ImageShack I think it ...   Thu, 7 Jul 2005 - 08:09
- - NoWayK   I am willing to concede that I have square eyes an...   Fri, 8 Jul 2005 - 18:58
- - jeffreyarcher   QUOTE (NoWayK)This clarification not withstanding,...   Sat, 9 Jul 2005 - 21:38
- - Insider   A new graphic for the trolls  :lol: Well,...   Sat, 9 Jul 2005 - 21:46
- - andy_foster   How about this one?   Sat, 9 Jul 2005 - 22:05
- - Bluedart   Lady driver stopped by the police for excess speed...   Wed, 10 Aug 2005 - 19:34
- - anton   "I know I was doing 110, but please let me off off...   Wed, 10 Aug 2005 - 21:57
- - Clear Skies   [quote=NoWayK] [quote=R v H & C (2004)]13. The du...   Thu, 11 Aug 2005 - 11:56
- - anton   you MUST see this posting on safespeed houmour thr...   Fri, 12 Aug 2005 - 06:20
- - Insider   RE: Humour thread.   Mon, 15 Aug 2005 - 12:08
- - dino2004   I got pulled over the other day for a slightly fla...   Thu, 18 Aug 2005 - 13:57
- - flyin flea   FPMSLMFAO!!!!  8)   Thu, 18 Aug 2005 - 17:41
- - anton   A camera partnership recently hired several cannib...   Wed, 24 Aug 2005 - 15:30
- - firefly   RE: Humour thread.   Fri, 16 Sep 2005 - 07:09
- - rooster_uk   I got pulled over the other night. The cop came ov...   Sun, 18 Sep 2005 - 22:04
- - flyin flea   Shock horror   Sun, 2 Oct 2005 - 21:20
- - Insider   QUOTE (Cooperman@Safespeed)Today's Joke: Childre...   Wed, 5 Oct 2005 - 09:55
- - Insider   Courtesy of Safespeed..   Fri, 21 Oct 2005 - 12:23
- - Dixie Dean   Which Way   Fri, 21 Oct 2005 - 15:38
- - Dixie Dean   I don't know how the car got there, but its funny ...   Fri, 21 Oct 2005 - 16:36
- - Orac   Been a bit tense on the forums lately, if this doe...   Wed, 26 Oct 2005 - 10:48
- - firefly   I'm doomed.  I will never laugh again. ...   Wed, 26 Oct 2005 - 12:59
- - chadders   Maybe these will help you! "Cheap as Chips" Sur...   Fri, 28 Oct 2005 - 14:44
- - Orac   I love this website http://www.policefaqs.org/Con...   Mon, 7 Nov 2005 - 14:15
- - OU812   OFFICIAL! SPEED SAVES LIVES http://www.somenick.p...   Thu, 10 Nov 2005 - 15:04
- - Blackbird   OU812  :D   Sat, 12 Nov 2005 - 07:58
- - audiquattro   Hahhahahahahhah  :wink:  :wink:   Mon, 14 Nov 2005 - 19:43
- - Clear Skies   http://www.mrandmrswheatley.co.uk/cunningstunt.htm...   Fri, 18 Nov 2005 - 13:23
- - flyin flea   Christmas is a comin.... time to get those stockin...   Fri, 9 Dec 2005 - 19:06
- - audiquattro   The bottom one remind you of someone?????? Shelby...   Fri, 9 Dec 2005 - 19:24
- - Mars   YES, YES hahahahaha Mars   Fri, 9 Dec 2005 - 21:14
- - flyin flea   LOL! Well I was thinkin maybe PC Stinger, but ther...   Sat, 10 Dec 2005 - 01:13
- - Orac   I'l put a pound in to send one to him for Christma...   Sun, 11 Dec 2005 - 13:55
- - MrsMiggins   I remember a flash animation that was going around...   Sun, 11 Dec 2005 - 14:44
- - flyin flea   Even the Christmas cards are on to it this year!!!...   Tue, 13 Dec 2005 - 00:54
- - flyin flea   Saw this in Birthdays card shop.... (pic by Sony ...   Tue, 13 Dec 2005 - 12:13
- - Rallyman72   Nice one here of a US policewoman with her solutio...   Fri, 16 Dec 2005 - 13:31
- - Orac   Please re-cycle all your wrapping paper this Chris...   Fri, 16 Dec 2005 - 13:45
- - Orac   http://www.waterford-news.ie/news/story.asp?j=1278...   Fri, 16 Dec 2005 - 13:49
- - Jase00   http://img217.imageshack.us/img217/9537/ci...2130f...   Fri, 16 Dec 2005 - 14:22
- - Orac   RE: Humour thread.   Tue, 20 Dec 2005 - 16:38
- - Orac   I even made a Christmas card   Wed, 21 Dec 2005 - 23:17
- - flyin flea   Yellow lines incorrectly signposted + fine unpayab...   Fri, 23 Dec 2005 - 01:05
- - jeffreyarcher   QUOTE (flyin flea)Yellow lines incorrectly signpos...   Fri, 23 Dec 2005 - 01:37
- - anton   a little story   Mon, 2 Jan 2006 - 08:52
- - TINBASHER   Christ on a bike Has to:- QUOTE As part of his co...   Mon, 2 Jan 2006 - 21:08
- - JT   A pre-emptive defence...?   Mon, 16 Jan 2006 - 11:57
- - chadders   For anyone who's seen the subserviant chicken....   Fri, 20 Jan 2006 - 21:22
|- - audiquattro   QUOTE (chadders @ Fri, 20 Jan 2006 - 21...   Fri, 17 Feb 2006 - 23:24
- - Orac   P.s. I am aware that this may not be real, funny a...   Fri, 17 Feb 2006 - 23:16
- - picko   CLEAR SKIES that 1st joke on thread....... you so...   Fri, 17 Feb 2006 - 23:27
- - picko   haven't read em all so may be here already.......   Fri, 17 Feb 2006 - 23:44
- - Clear Skies   Mr Honda, of the Honda Motorcycle Corporation, die...   Fri, 24 Feb 2006 - 11:16
- - Dixie Dean   Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Officer: Ma...   Sat, 25 Feb 2006 - 19:33
- - Insider   RE: Humour thread.   Tue, 7 Mar 2006 - 23:47
- - Wax-eater   Actual call centre conversations Customer: ...   Wed, 8 Mar 2006 - 15:09
- - Clear Skies   I may of posted this somewhere before.. but for t...   Sat, 11 Mar 2006 - 10:20
- - Quattro   I bought an old Lada the other day but had to take...   Sat, 11 Mar 2006 - 18:29
- - Wax-eater   Two women were playing golf. One teed off and wa...   Sun, 12 Mar 2006 - 07:27
- - Insider   Anyone for a trip to Penrith train station?   Mon, 13 Mar 2006 - 08:26
|- - Quattro   QUOTE (Insider @ Mon, 13 Mar 2006 - 08...   Mon, 13 Mar 2006 - 18:32
|- - Heyloft   Can you imagine working for a company that has a l...   Thu, 16 Mar 2006 - 01:12
- - Wax-eater   An Aussie ventriloquist visiting the outback walks...   Mon, 13 Mar 2006 - 15:11
8 Pages V   1 2 3 > » 


Reply to this topicStart new topic
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:

 



Advertisement

Advertise here!

RSS Lo-Fi Version Time is now: Thursday, 28th March 2024 - 11:45
Pepipoo uses cookies. You can find details of the cookies we use here along with links to information on how to manage them.
Please click the button to accept our cookies and hide this message. We’ll also assume that you’re happy to accept them if you continue to use the site.
IPS Driver Error

IPS Driver Error

There appears to be an error with the database.
You can try to refresh the page by clicking here