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Spanner for culture spokesman., Should I be considered?
Spanner for culture spokesman
Should he be considered?
Yes [ 3 ] ** [15.79%]
Obviously [ 0 ] ** [0.00%]
Drink [ 16 ] ** [84.21%]
Total Votes: 19
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spanner345
post Tue, 13 Feb 2018 - 10:33
Post #1


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I am a Hull resident, last year's culture capital. I have been infected with culture for all of 2017. Bearing in mind I am attending a poetry recital next month, should I be considered for the above post?


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post Tue, 13 Feb 2018 - 10:33
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DancingDad
post Tue, 13 Feb 2018 - 10:51
Post #2


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Unfortunately the culture that is likely to be contracted during such events is resistant to all known antibiotics.
Without suitable treatment it is likely to stay with you for the rest of your life.
Suitable treatment includes drinking more toilet duck.
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Redivi
post Tue, 13 Feb 2018 - 12:24
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Why not ?

Sir Les Patterson was Australia's Cultural Attache for years
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ManxRed
post Tue, 13 Feb 2018 - 13:06
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The poetry recital would only be considered truly cultural if it includes the Shakespearean classic 'There was a Young Man from Nantucket.'


--------------------
Sometimes I use big words I don't understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.
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spanner345
post Tue, 13 Feb 2018 - 13:26
Post #5


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QUOTE (ManxRed @ Tue, 13 Feb 2018 - 13:06) *
The poetry recital would only be considered truly cultural if it includes the Shakespearean classic 'There was a Young Man from Nantucket.'

Don't think he does that one.


--------------------
ARSE DRINK FECK........



DRINK MORE
TOILET DUCK
50 mls vodka
50 mls Red Bull
330 mls Blue Wkd
25 mls tequila
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ManxRed
post Tue, 13 Feb 2018 - 15:52
Post #6


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Its all 'new material' with some performers, they don't understand that the fans want to hear the hits.


--------------------
Sometimes I use big words I don't understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.
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DancingDad
post Tue, 13 Feb 2018 - 16:14
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It wasn't Vogon Poetry was it ?
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Neil B
post Tue, 13 Feb 2018 - 17:15
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There was a young* man called Spanner,
Met a beautiful girl from Havana,
A man of culture and poise
but his farts made a noise
and she hastily said hasta manana.


--------------------
17/10/11.

Sme f yu may have nticed I dn't currently have a letter ' ' n my keybard!!!!

S if I appear t be talking mre gibberish than nrmal then that's the answer - the missing 'o' --<<<< Aha, clever eh!? (reserve on-screen keyboard)
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spanner345
post Wed, 14 Feb 2018 - 11:12
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THIS IS ONE..........







This disc concerns those those pouting prima-donnas
Found within the swelling J. Arthur Ranks of the sexational psycle sluts
Those nubile nihilists of the North Circular
The lean leonine leatherette lovelies of the Leeds intersection
Luftwaffe angels locked in a pagan paradise
No cash
A passion for trash
The tough madonna whose cro-magnon face and crab nebular curves haunt the highways of the UK
Whose harsh credo captures the collective libido like lariats
Their lips pushed in a neon-arc of dodgems
Delightfully disciplined, dumb but deluxe
Deliciously deliciously deranged
Twin-wheeled existentialists steeped in the sterile excrements of a doomed democracy
Whose post-nietzschean sensibilities reject the bovine gregariousness of a senile oligarchy
Whose god is below zero, whose hero is a dead boy
Condemned to drift like forgotten sputniks in the fool’s orbit bound for a victim’s future
In the pleasure dromes and ersatz bodega bars of the free world
The mechanics of love grind like organs of iron to a standstill
Hands behind your backs
In a noxious gas of cheek to cheek totalitarianism
Hail the psycle sluts
Go go the gland gringos
For the gonad a-go-go age of compulsory cunnilingusa

PART TWO
The dirty thirty
The naughty forty
The shifty fifty
Tthe filthy five
Zips, clips, whips and chains
Wait for you to arrive
Hell’s Angels by the busload
Stoned stupid, how they strut
Smoked woodbines till they’re banjoed
And smirk at the Swedish smut
Life on the straight and narrow path
Drives you off your nut
By day you are psycopath
By night you’re a psycle slut
On a BSA with two bald tires
You drove a million miles
You cut your hair with rusty pliers
And you suffer with the pillion piles
You got built in obsolescence
Oh you got guts
But you don’t reach adolescence
Slow down psycle sluts
Motor cycle Michael
Wants to buy a tank
Only twenty-nine years old
And he’s learning how to ****
Yesterday he was in the groove
Today he’s in a rut
My how the moments move
Brut fun psycle sluts
He cacks on your originals
He peepees on his boots
He makes love like a footballer
He dribbles before he shoots
The goings on at the gang-bang ball
Made the citizen’s tut-tut-tut
But, what do you care, piss all
You tell ’em psycle sluts
Now your boyfriend burned his jacket
Ticket expired
Tyres are knackered
Knackers are tired
You can tell your tale to the gutter press
Get paid to peddle smut
Now you’ve ridden the road of excess
That leads to the psycle sluts
Or you can dine and whine on stuff that’s bound to give you boils
Hot dogs direct from cruft’s
Done in diesel oil
Or the burger joint around the bend
Where the meals thank christ are skimpy
For you that’s how the world could end
Not with a bang but a Wimpy.

This post has been edited by spanner345: Wed, 14 Feb 2018 - 11:14


--------------------
ARSE DRINK FECK........



DRINK MORE
TOILET DUCK
50 mls vodka
50 mls Red Bull
330 mls Blue Wkd
25 mls tequila
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DancingDad
post Wed, 14 Feb 2018 - 11:50
Post #10


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I was right.... Vogon poetry.
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Neil B
post Wed, 14 Feb 2018 - 12:59
Post #11


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Mine kinda pales against that. huh.gif



--------------------
17/10/11.

Sme f yu may have nticed I dn't currently have a letter ' ' n my keybard!!!!

S if I appear t be talking mre gibberish than nrmal then that's the answer - the missing 'o' --<<<< Aha, clever eh!? (reserve on-screen keyboard)
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spanner345
post Fri, 23 Feb 2018 - 08:48
Post #12


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Posts: 2,699
Joined: 11 Oct 2007
From: hull
Member No.: 14,394



More culture for them wot nead it.


FAR FROM CRAZY PAVEMENTS
...THE TASTE OF SILVER SPOONS
A CLINICAL ARRANGEMENT
...ON A DIRTY AFTERNOON
WHERE THE FECAL GERMS OF MR. FREUD
...ARE RENDERED OBSOLETE
THE LEGAL TERM IS NULL AND VOID
IN THE CASE OF... BEASLEY STREET


IN THE CHEAP SEATS WHERE MURDER BREEDS
SOMEBODY IS OUT OF BREATH
SLEEP IS A LUXURY THEY DON'T NEED
...A SNEAK PREVIEW OF DEATH
BELLADONNA IS YOUR FLOWER
MANSLAUGHTER YOUR MEAT
SPEND A YEAR IN A COUPLE OF HOURS
ON THE EDGE OF BEASLEY STREET


WHERE THE ACTION ISN'T
THAT'S WHERE IT IS
STATE YOUR POSITION
VACANCIES EXIST
IN AN X-CERTIFICATE EXERCISE
EX-SERVICEMEN EXCRETE
KEITH JOSEPH SMILES AND A BABY DIES
IN A BOX ON BEASLEY STREET


FROM THE BOARDING HOUSES AND THE BEDSITS FULL OF
...ACCIDENTS AND FLEAS
SOMEBODY GETS IT
WHERE THE MISSING PERSONS FREEZE
WEARING DEAD MEN'S OVERCOATS
YOU CAN'T SEE THEIR FEET
A RIFF JOINT SHUTS - OPENS UP
RIGHT DOWN ON BEASLEY STREET


CARS COLLIDE, COLOURS CLASH
DISASTER MOVIE STUFF
FOR A MAN WITH THE FU MANCHU MOUSTACHE
REVENGE IS NOT ENOUGH
THERE'S A DEAD CANARY ON A SWIVEL SEAT
THERE'S A RAINBOW IN THE ROAD
MEANWHILE ON BEASLEY STREET
SILENCE IS THE CODE


HOT BENEATH THE COLLAR
...AN INSPECTOR CALLS
WHERE THE PERISHING STINK OF SQUALOR
...IMPREGNATES THE WALLS
THE RATS HAVE ALL GOT RICKETS
THEY SPIT THROUGH BROKEN TEETH
THE NAME OF THE GAME IS NOT CRICKET
CAUGHT OUT ON ...BEASLEY STREET


THE HIPSTER AND HIS HIRED HAT
DRIVE A BORROWED CAR
YELLOW SOCKS AND A PINK CREVAT
NOTHING LA-DI-DAH
O-A-P
MOTHER-TO-BE
WATCH THE THREE-PIECE SUITE
WHEN SHITSTOPPER DRAINS
AND CROCODILE SKIS
ARE SEEN ON ...BEASLEY STREET


THE KINGDOM OF THE BLIND
...A ONE-EYED MAN IS KING
BEAUTY PROBLEMS ARE REDEFINED
...THE DOORBELLS DO NOT RING
A LIGHT BULB BURST LIKE A BLISTER
THE ONLY FORM OF HEAT
WHERE A FELLOW SELLS HIS SISTER
...DOWN THE RIVER ON BEASLEY STREET


THE BOYS ARE ON THE WAGON
THE GIRLS ARE ON THE SHELF
THEIR COMMON PROBLEM IS
...THAT THEY'RE NOT SOMEONE ELSE
THE DIRT BLOWS OUT
THE DUST BLOWS IN
YOU CAN'T KEEP IT NEAT
IT'S A FULLY FURNISHED DUSTBIN
...SIXTEEN BEASLEY STREET


VINCE THE AGEING SAVAGE
BETRAYS NO KIND OF LIFE
...BUT THE SMELL OF YESTERDAY'S CABBAGE
AND THE GHOST OF LAST YEAR'S WIFE
THROUGH A CONSTANT HAZE
OF DEODORANT SPRAYS
HE SAYS ...RETREAT
ALSATIANS DOG THE DIRTY DAYS
DOWN THE MIDDLE OF BEASLEY STREET


PEOPLE TURN TO POISON
QUICK AS LAGER TURNS TO PISS
SWEETHEARTS ARE PHYSICALLY SICK
EVERY TIME THEY KISS
IT'S A SOCIOLOGIST'S PARADISE
EACH DAY REPEATS
UNEASY, CHEASY, GREASY, QUEASY
...BEASTLY, BEASLEY STREET


EYES DEAD AS VICIOUS FISH
LOOK AROUND FOR LAUGHS
IF I COULD HAVE JUST ONE WISH
I WOULD BE A PHOTOGRAPH
ON A PERMANENT MONDAY MORNING
GET LOST OR FALL ASLEEP
WHEN THE YELLOW CATS ARE YAWNING
AROUND THE BACK OF BEASLEY STREET


--------------------
ARSE DRINK FECK........



DRINK MORE
TOILET DUCK
50 mls vodka
50 mls Red Bull
330 mls Blue Wkd
25 mls tequila
Go to the top of the page
 
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122basy
post Fri, 23 Feb 2018 - 09:38
Post #13


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QUOTE (Neil B @ Tue, 13 Feb 2018 - 17:15) *
There was a young* man called Spanner,
Met a beautiful girl from Havana,
A man of culture and poise
but his farts made a noise
and she hastily said hasta manana.

You haven't quite caught the art of the limerick in that composition. Try this alternative:

There was a young* man known as Spanner,
Met a beautiful girl from Havana,
With culture and poise
His farts made a noise
She hastily said hasta manana.
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notmeatloaf
post Yesterday, 13:43
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Joined: 4 Mar 2017
Member No.: 90,659



QUOTE (spanner345 @ Tue, 13 Feb 2018 - 10:33) *
I am a Hull resident, last year's culture capital. I have been infected with culture for all of 2017. Bearing in mind I am attending a poetry recital next month, should I be considered for the above post?

That would be an ecumenical matter.
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